The Truth About Victim Mentality

Life is tough.

There are so many different ways that things can manifest, so there is no one size fits all. Everyone has different things going on, different abilities, different circumstances, different burdens and backgrounds – so how one person handles a situation is not going to be how someone else handles it.

This is a very sensitive subject due to nuances. Yet I still feel that there are some universal truths to be discussed. The main one being that our mindset is important.

No matter what is happening, who did what, how difficult it is, how burdensome it is – we have to learn to take personal responsibility for our thoughts (which shape the direction of our lives).

If we don’t, weight will be heavier. Then we try to life the weight. We might ask for advice, people will make us feel worse like we aren’t trying hard enough when we know that’s not true, then we end up more discouraged than we were in the first place due to the perceived lack of empathy. It can be mess.

There is a much more empowering approach. That is to believe that within you is the ability to overcome all obstacles – no matter how bleak it looks.

Let’s face it, many people end up in very bad situations due to no fault of their own. That’s just how life happens in this controller based world. There are going to be victims and there are going to be victimizers until we all elevate above that.

So when someone is going through a hard time, or a series of hard times; it’s wise to be careful in how we try to help them because sometimes our advice can make it worse, even though that’s not what we intended. Compassion is very much needed, as is the understanding that everyone is doing their best with the cards they’ve been dealt.

Yet, personal responsibility is still so important if we want to be free. There are people who will have a problem for every solution. It doesn’t matter what options open up to them – they feel they can’t do this, they can’t do that, they are a victim, everything is hopeless and someone else needs to change in order for them to be happy.

This leads to a very depressing path. The reality is that people are who they are. When someone shows us who they are, we should believe it. We cannot force someone to change for us. They aren’t going to. People change if and when they want to. It’s very disempowering to believe that one’s own happiness is in the hands of someone else.

It doesn’t matter if you are financially dependent on them, dependent on them to help you, or whatever the case is. Your “piece of mind” comes from the “peace of mind” that you accept or decline. You didn’t choose how that person is acting, but you chose your response to it and the follow up thoughts.

Some people become very put-off by the idea of personal responsibility because they think it means that someone doesn’t have compassion or you are being rude when that is not always the case. Taking responsibility for oneself is an act of self love and empowerment. I’d rather have someone believe in me and my abilities, than to have coddle me and tell me that my life is dependent on how someone else is behaving.

I’ve been through some very difficult experiences that seemed never-ending and absolutely impossible, but I never felt it was hopeless. I always felt like I just hadn’t found the correct solution, but it was coming eventually. That’s what helped me move forward through the densest sludge of the hellish realms on Earth. And really, when it drags on and on it’s absolute hell. Yet the only way to get through it is to keep moving. Otherwise you just stay there.

It’s all about the mindset. No it doesn’t change what’s happening, but it changes how you move through it and the options that open up to you. If you wake up everyday telling yourself you are a victim of someone else (even though you may very well be), then that’s going to be the options you see – be a victim or be a victimizer.

If you wake up everyday knowing that life is tough and it’s going to take a lot of small steps to change your situation- then those will be the options you see – the small steps you can take that will lead you into a different experience. That is something you have to give yourself. No one can give that to you.

You can’t change anyone else. What you have the power to do is to believe in yourself.